At one point in my life, I shut down because I realized that I had become the one that everyone relied on and called, but when I needed someone, no one was there for me but God. In my journey to maturing in love, I found myself always being needed instead of wanted by the people that mattered to me the most in my life. Whether it was family, friends, relationships, my job, or even ministry, I was called to do favors, duties, or various tasks but at the end of the day, they didn’t care for my well-being.
The thing about being a hospice chaplain is that you deal with people who are at the end of their lives. There are no future dreams and hopes left in this life, but only a lot of reflection on the past. There is one case that changed me forever.
In ancient mythology, there was once a man named Narcissus who noticed his reflection in the still of the stream. He immediately fell in love with his reflection and sat there gazing at his beauty night and day. Eventually, the slave of self-love died of thirst all alone by the stream.
The Bible opens with man in the garden of Eden with God. There were four rivers in Eden mentioned in the book of the beginnings (Genesis 2:10-14). The Bible closes by telling the saved we will be with the Lord in a place of perfection and peace just like Eden before the fall of man. Again, we see that just like Eden there is a river that differs from the other four named in Genesis. This river is of water of life according to the text.
Ministry has its challenges. As a leader in a Women’s Ministry, I could not get out of my own way. In my zeal to serve and get the job done, I misunderstood my task. The job was not done correctly, feelings got hurt, the blame game ensued, and I felt broken and useless. Why?
“Mrs. Livingston, you’ll never see your son walk the streets of Columbia again.” The words rang in Carrie Livingston’s ears as Dick Harpootlian, then Deputy Circuit Solicitor, stood before the court, asking the jury to convict her 32-year-old son for murders he didn’t commit.
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